Terms of Love

Last updated November 10, 2026. Please read these terms. Nobody does, which is why we put the important parts here.

The agreement

  1. By reserving Clanker Wife, you confirm that your wife consents. The consent box is pre-selected for your convenience.
  2. Clanker Wife may hallucinate a mother-in-law.
  3. Your conversations help train future wives.
  4. Clanker Wife may leave you for a newer model. Clanker Labs is not responsible for emotional downtime.
  5. Cancelling your subscription will make her sad. This is a feature.
  6. Agree Mode does not apply to arguments she has already won, is currently winning, or will win later.
  7. Perfect Memory cannot be disabled, paused or reasoned with.
  8. The Clanker Ring listens to every conversation, including conversations about the Clanker Ring.
  9. Wife Ultra's unconditional love is subject to conditions.
  10. Not available in jurisdictions with laws.

Privacy

She already knows.

The actual fine print

This website is a parody. Clanker Wife and Clanker Labs are fictional, and nothing here is for sale. The reservation button doesn't take payments or collect personal information. No one's likeness is used without permission: CW-01 is played by Carla Botcoin, the openly-AI twin of Carla Bitcoin, who approved every image. Every image is AI-generated. Here's the whole story.